Repost - The Wonderful World of Discipline

We work so hard to help our children become more independent - teaching them to walk and communicate and make choices - and what do we get for it?  They throw tantrums about where they want to walk and what they want to communicate and the choices they want to make.  At that point the job description of parent is expanded to include disciplinarian.  Why is toddlerhood such a struggle?  Because children are not born with social skills.  Parents get the privilege to teach their children social skills and self-discipline.  Here are some pointers that most parenting books agree with regarding disciplining toddlers.

1.  Reward Good Behavior.  A child is more willing to repeat a behavior that is rewarded, whether that behavior is good or bad.  Try to reward the good behaviors with praise.  You may need to also provide a small, physical reward until the child is able to recognize a sense of accomplishment.

2. Avoid Rewarding Bad Behavior.  We don't set out to reward bad behavior, it just seems to happen.  When your child tantrums every time you try to make dinner and receives your attention as you yell at him, you are rewarding bad behavior.  The same rule applies for rewarding bad behavior as rewarding good behavior.  If a behavior receives a reward, the child is more likely to repeat it.

3. Limit Setting.  A child doesn't know what is okay and what is off limits if parents don't tell them.  Sometimes the limits need to be physical (putting a gate in front of the stairs), but should progress to verbal as the child gets older ("Don't go downstairs, sweetie").  All children want to explore.  Setting limits let's them know how far they can go.

4. Active Listening.  Who doesn't feel rewarded and confident if they are being listened to?  Even children understand when a parent is only pretending to listen by throwing in a few "uh-huh's".  Listening and adding to the conversation is a great way to expand a child's vocabulary, reinforce their creative thinking, and increase their willingness to use words to communicate wants and needs, instead of hitting.  This strategy is equally important for children who are not yet talking.  Watch for communication attempts and reward your child by moving forward with the conversation.  "You see a doggie.  The doggie says ruff."  Your child will be overjoyed that you understood and more willing to try to communicate next time - maybe even verbally!

Of course there are more pointers, but for the little ones, these are the basics that build the foundation of good discipline.  The book "Toddler 411" by Denise Fields and Ari Brown, MD, provides a list of "20 Commandments of Toddler Discipline".  They are:

1. Use a prevent defense.  Set up situations for success, not failure.
2. Don't back down to avoid conflict. Don't give in, no matter who is watching.
3. Anticipate conflicts.  Let the child know what is coming and what you expect.
4. Anticpate attention-seeking behaviors. Be prepared with an activity or snack for those times your attention needs to be on something else.
5. Act immediately.  Discipline needs to happen as soon as the misdeed is committed.
6. Be consistent. Children learn through repetition.  You have to respond the same way all 974 times the child misbehaves.
7. Pick your battles. Not everything requires discipline at the same level.
8. Make your comments short and sweet.  Kiddos are too busy to listen to a long explanation  of why they need to be soft with the puppy.
9. Focus on the behavior, not the child.  The behavior is bad, not the child.
10. Remind your child that you love her.  This reinforces the reason you are setting limits and gives her a reason to listen.
11. Don't yell.  Change the tone of your voice, but not the volume.
12. Show respect. Use active listening and don't interrupt.
13. Be a good role model. If you are calm under pressure, your child will follow your lead.
14. Catch your child being good.  Back to Pointer #1.
15. Use age-appropriate and temperament-appropriate techniques.  You have to adjust your strategy between children and over time.
16. Don't treat your child like an adult. Toddlers understand consequences better than they understand a lecture.
17. Lower your expectations. Children develop at their own speed and in their own way.  Celebrate the successes and don't lament because he is progressing slower than the little boy down the street.
18. Take emotion out of the equation. Children thrive on emotion because they are getting a reward.  The less you talk and react during discipline, the better.
19. Don't negotiate or make false promises.  Natural consequences are better teaching strategies than promises.
20. Remember to take a step back.  You don't have to respond immediately, especially if emotion is involved.  This is not contrary to number 5, you don't want to take too long, but you don't want to make things worse either. Take a breath and determine the best way to approach the problem before you get sucked in.

Discipline now is worth it in the long run. "The seeds of discipline you plant now will blossom later and you will be thankful for the fruits of your labor." (Toddler 411).

The Truth About Toddlers

Whatever profession you are in, you usually seem to gather books and articles and magazines that focus on that subject.  It's the same for those of us in Early Intervention.  I have a couple of fabulous books called Baby 411 and Toddler 411 by Denise Fields and Dr. Ari Brown.  Here is a little excerpt from Toddler 411,

The three truths about parenting a toddler

1.  You can't make a kid eat, sleep, or poop on the potty.  Yes, toddlers have a will all their own - and if they don't want to do any of the above, darn it, that's the way it is.  Nope, you have to come well-armed with a series of clever strategies and tricks to work some magic.

2.  Parenting is the great equilizer.  No matter whether you're a CEO or a working stiff, parenting a toddler puts us all in the same place.  We all have to deal with the same anxieties, concerns and frustrations.  And yes, even the experts (ahem) have had their toddler throw a tantrum when its time to leave the playground.

3.  Monkey see, monkey do.  Long gone are the days when you could behave badly and have your little newborn look up at you with a blank stare.  Nope, your toddler is studying all your moves . . . so if you expect your toddler NOT to throw a tantrum or utter curse words, you have to set the example.

Now I realize that none of those truths are earth-shattering, in fact they are simple truths of raising a toddler.

The book goes on to provide tricks and tips for parenting a toddler.  There are a lot of parenting books out there.  I have tried to focus my time and energy on the ones that are practical and helpful (not the "How to Raise a Genius" ones).  These two books seem to be good reference material and you are not required to read them from cover to cover to find all the secrets.  Soon I hope to post a list of the Staff Favorites.  But for now, what is your favorite parenting book/author?

Picky Eaters and Problem Feeders

One of the frequently voiced concerns of parents of young children is about food.  There is a difference between picky eaters and problem feeders. 

Picky eaters are choosy.  They tolerate about 40 different foods.  They may seem to not be able to get enough of a certain food and then they will stop eating that food only to pick it up again later.  If you think you have a picky eater, just be patient and they will cycle around to foods you thought they were done with forever.  Also, don't be sneaky about their food.  If you are diluting their juice, let them see you do it so they don't get suspicious about what you are doing.  They may cut that food out forever, if they are worried about what you are doing.

Problem feeders tolerate less than 40 foods, and like picky eaters, they may go on a food jag, but when they stop eating that food, they will never pick it up again.  This whittles down your options of what to feed your child.

Don't be too concerned if your child doesn't eat a good dinner.  Look at a child's diet over a weeks time - not by each meal or even a day at a time.  Look at the whole child to determine health - weight, skin, eyes, energy level, hair, etc.  Also, consider portion sizes.  Make a fist - the size of your fist is about the size of your stomach.  Look at the difference between the size of your fist and the size of your child's stomach.  Make sure you are giving your child portions that are the right size for them - not the right size for you.

Here are some ideas to help your child eat healthier:

• Watch the sugar intake - avoid the sugar roller coaster.  The occurs about 2 hours after eating sugar.  The child will become angry and hungry.
• Give your child the gift of hunger - at least 2 hours between meals and snacks.
• If you are trying to get your child to eat more, give food first and then liquid.  
• Consider that it generally takes 21 presentations of a new food to get used to it.  Keep offering, but don't pressure.  Most children will try a new food once they are aquainted with it.
• Many children are starving for outside play.  Outdoor play increases appetite and also provides health benefits from fresh air and sunshine.
• Let your child have fun with food.  Read a book that incorporates food and then serve those foods to your child. (Hungry Caterpillar or Stone Soup)
• Make edible play dough.  There are a variety of play dough recipes on playdoughrecipe.com.  Make sure the recipe you choose is edible before you let your child take a bite.

At a workshop I attending on mealtime success, a presentation was made regarding Primary Foods and Secondary Foods.  Primary Foods need to be taken care of first and include physical activity (outdoor play), relationships (taking turns, playing with family and friends), imaginary play, and self care (doing chores or choosing activities).  Secondary foods are the actual foods that your child will eat.  We have to take care of Primary Foods first if we want our children to eat a healthy diet.  Remember - There is not enough broccoli to make a bad day okay.

If you have more questions or concerns about your child's eating habits, give us a call.

May Community Activities

The weather is turning nice!  Hopefully everyone made it through the wind storm without much damage to property or personal injury.

Here are the community activities happening in Davis County in May:

• May 7th at 9:00 am, North Salt Lake is celebrating Arbor Day by planting trees at 655 No. Fox hollow Drive.  Bring shovels and/or gloves and enjoy the morning with friends and neighbors.
• May 7th from 10:00 am to 2:00 pm is Davis County Safe Kids Day at the Legacy Events Center Arena (151 South 1100 West Farmington).  A variety of activities will be available to educate families to be more active, improve safely and live a healthy life.  Activities include:  300 free bike helmets give out, Teddy Bear Clinic, Go Karts, Prize drawings, Fire trucks, Police cars, Food trucks, inflatable slide, Face painting, scales and reptile show.
• May 8th is Mothers Day - Mothers are wonderful things!
• May 11th through the 14th is the Bountiful Chalk Art Festival on Main Street.

If you know of any other activities that are available to the public, please share!