Self Worth

I have been hearing and reading a lot about building the self-esteem of children.  This quote by Alvin Price really caught my attention:

"Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes to drain it dry."

Denise Fields and Ari Brown, MD, in the book Toddler 411, point out that building self-esteem is an important part of discipline.  They say "It's our job as parents to TEACH our children social skills and self-discipline while preserving self-esteem."

Our staff recently had the opportunity to receive a training regarding families in conflict and the take away message was that we need to help children build resilience - strengthen the human spirit.  Some suggestions to build resilience during the first years of life included:

• provide unconditional love and express love both physically and verbally by holding, rocking, and stroking and by using soothing words to calm, comfort, and encourage the child to calm himself or herself
• enforce rules for children ages 2 and 3, and use removal of privileges and other forms of discipline that do not belittle, harm or reject the child
• model behavior that communicates confidence, optimism, and good results for children 2 and 3 years old
• praise the 2 and 3 year old child for accomplishments such as toilet training, calming self, talking or making something
• encourage the 2 or 3 year old child to try things and do things on his or her own with minimal adult help
• when language is developing, acknowledge and label the child's feelings and so encourage the child to recognize and express his or her own feelings and to recognize some feelings in others
• also use developing language to reinforce aspects of resilience to help the child face adversity: for example, "I know you can do it" encourages autonomy and reinforces a child's faith in his or her own problem-solving skills
• at around 3 years of age, prepare the child for unpleasant or adverse situations (gradually if possible) by talking about them, reading books, play acting, etc.

Build self-esteem by letting the child know his or her opinion counts.  Listening doesn't mean doing what the child suggests or desires every time, but let them know you hear and understand what they are saying.  For example, "We can't eat ice cream for breakfast, but, do you want yogurt or bananas?"

Keep in mind that some day that independence can come in handy for your toddler turned teenager.  Building self-esteem now will reap benefits in the future.